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A Guide to Wellbeing and Mindful Existence #1

Never Dispose of a Body in Tidal Waters

It can obviously be a temptation, especially if you feel the corpse to be suitably weighted and far enough from shore, but it’s never a good plan and may well come back to haunt you.

Whilst it may take years for a deep-sea treasure hunter to stumble on the remains or for the slow drag of the tide to eventually deposit the evidence on a far flung beach, contemporary forensic DNA technology will still find plenty there to make a match. What’s worse is that the nagging doubt over the finality of this resting place will bore in to your subconscious like a Black & Decker through plywood.

Whilst few spectral visitations are welcome, there are not many worse than a marine based apparition. The clanking of those ill attached bindings along with the skeletal sockets peering through the pungent dripping seaweed strewn death mask are enough to shake the most balanced psyche. Those squelching footsteps drawing ever closer and the gurgled moans emitting their plaintive tune will have you quivering like a jellyfish on spin-cycle whilst you await the inevitable salty scratching at your window pane.

(c) Tales from the Crypt

Take your time, consider your options and if needs be find a spot for suitable storage whilst you meditate upon the challenge. Somewhere deep within lies the answer and it will come to you in time, as inevitable as autumn leaves. As with confectionary and alcohol, the obvious choice is rarely that which will bring lasting satisfaction.

These simple truths may avert the anxious likelihood of apprehension and long-term detention, if not forever, then at least until your new life and identity are fully developed.

May the sound of sirens never break your sleep and your secrets remain at least six feet deep.

Rose Petals & Kitten Tails

Grae J.


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